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Scot Zeller recently found himself in a small theatre sitting next to a very young, out and proud person that he found fascinating. He introduced himself and his husband to which the young stranger said something quite judgmental and derogatory under his breath just as the lights went down. Zeller wanted to clap back at first but realized he wished he could talk to this person and find out why they said what they said, but he never got the chance. Instead, he has that imaginary discussion with us in Zeller’s one-man show, “H@ppy F@ggot”, the wildly funny, heartbreaking and triumphant story of a skinny, little awkward gay boy growing up in the early 80’s.
Strains of “Tainted Love” and other 80’s new romantic music transport us to a small town where a young “latch-key” kid is discovering the world hidden in the pages of his Dad’s Playboy magazine while having fantasies of being in a long-term relationship with Grizzly Adams. Zeller takes our hand and gently leads us to a place where the only way a virginal gay teen could possibly meet another gay teen was to answer a newspaper ad by typing a letter (so as not to reveal his handwriting should someone intercept it) and furtively mailing it and hoping that the recipient will actually be at the appointed place in two weeks. Ah the 80’s!
I guess his Grizzly Adams fantasies clued him in early on that he was gay because his story is not about figuring out his sexuality but more about just discovering sex itself. He knew he wanted boys but in the early 80’s that was not only difficult to do if you lived outside of San Francisco, but also could be quite dangerous. He gets himself into a few pickles that will have you screaming “get out of there, kid!” But then I remembered that the storyteller was still with us because well, he’s telling us his story! And truly that is what it is, a story of survival. Like other Gen X-ers who are still here, Zeller made it. From meeting strangers in strange places when no one has any idea where you are and you have no way of communicating anything to anyone, to taking that AIDS test in 1986 and waiting two weeks to know whether you would live or die, to random beatings by strangers who hate you for existing, to fighting for your government to see you, to falling in love, Zeller has lived to tell the tale and he is a masterful storyteller.
While he does tell us about the meet-cute between him and his husband and their journey through commitment ceremony to civil union and finally legal marriage, the show is really the love story of Zeller learning to love himself. Because even though he is sure of his sexuality early on, it doesn’t mean he’s happy about it or proud of it. That comes through a lifetime of discovery, loss, love and therapy. And watching Zeller is like spending an evening with your most captivating, fall down funny best friend telling stories through cocktails and tears.
The direction here by longtime collaborator Kimleigh Smith is exquisite as she shapes the stories into compelling vignettes, creating very specific locations with the simple turn of a chair, metamorphic lighting and sound, and a heart-pounding pace that has you on the edge of your seat. It brings out the funny without sacrificing the depth, power and beauty of the piece.
The show plans to go to Portland and Seattle and I hope will be back in L.A. for the Fringe or a full run at a theatre. So if you get the chance, you won’t want to miss H@ppy F@ggot. It’s a show everyone can relate to and one that I think Gen Z would get a lot out of but if you are Gen X it will feel like a most beautiful, frightening, hilarious, and joyful walk down memory lane.
We’re here, we’re queer…I hope we are getting used to it.
